This post is borrowed and not an original work of this blogger.
An Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
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Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Immediately Amar Singh from SP has visited the place & given assurance to Grasshoppers that he will be 100 % with them & their support is always with him. Same letter support (Assurance) has been shown by Amar Singh in front of all Electronic Media in press conference & special coverage is shown on all SAHARA channels as a breaking news..
Amnesty International and Ban Ki Moon criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
All Leading Cell phone Service Provider Companies are asking to send the SMS to support to Grasshopper like write "SUPPORT" Y/N Y= Yes N=No & send to 58585. Cost of the SMS is only Rs.5/- .
Whereas Reliance is charging only Rs. 3/- & for repeat sender Only Rs.
2/-
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh'
in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
BJP & VHP along with Bajrang Dal, Shivsena & allied Hinduist Parties called MUK
MORCHA/RASTA ROKO/RAIL ROKO Andolan in all leading cities of India which resulted in 40 killed & more than 200 persons (figure as per Govt Record - It may be less than actual) are injured where 2 days of regular life & more than of 10,000 crore of commercial transaction is affected.
Pressure mounts from US/UK & other foreign countries on Indian Government to give justice to Grasshopper.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Ban Ki Moon invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
.
..AND
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Love After Love
Certain content in this post is borrowed and not an original work of this blogger. Certain content though is original.
Sometimes when I read a book I come across some very beautiful things in those pages before the preface. Here's one of those from "Time Traveller's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
—Derek Walcott
Sometimes when I read a book I come across some very beautiful things in those pages before the preface. Here's one of those from "Time Traveller's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
—Derek Walcott
Friday, March 18, 2011
Advantages of a vertical taskbar!
This is original work of the blogger.
It has been two years since I use a vertical taskbar, and have found numerous advantages of it. People often tell me its hard to work with but I cannot help but point out the vast difference in usability that it makes!
One,
I read a lot of things on my machine, training materials, e-books, blogs, emails and I find the need of vertical space more than that of horizontal space. Less Scrolling.
Two,
I can fit as much as 15 windows on the bar before it gets cramped. And yes, I need so many windows at a time, a email window, 2 chat windows, firefox, a couple of explorers, a couple of remote desktop connections and so on.
Three,
Vertical things are easy to look up and find the necessary object. Hence the human preferences for lists and to do lists (they are vertical and so are most schedules).
Four,
Less eye movement. Your eyes mostly travel on the same level left to right to find the necessary window less up down eye movement, less neck movement.
Five,
The side of the screen is easier to reach with your mouse. Try it to know.
Six,
A small advantage but an important one is that now you can see the time, date and day, instead of just time and date.
It just requires some getting used to. Once you do that it is a fabulous thing! Why do you think Windows 7 has a vertical dock bar and Vista had one too?
It has been two years since I use a vertical taskbar, and have found numerous advantages of it. People often tell me its hard to work with but I cannot help but point out the vast difference in usability that it makes!
One,
I read a lot of things on my machine, training materials, e-books, blogs, emails and I find the need of vertical space more than that of horizontal space. Less Scrolling.
Two,
I can fit as much as 15 windows on the bar before it gets cramped. And yes, I need so many windows at a time, a email window, 2 chat windows, firefox, a couple of explorers, a couple of remote desktop connections and so on.
Three,
Vertical things are easy to look up and find the necessary object. Hence the human preferences for lists and to do lists (they are vertical and so are most schedules).
Four,
Less eye movement. Your eyes mostly travel on the same level left to right to find the necessary window less up down eye movement, less neck movement.
Five,
The side of the screen is easier to reach with your mouse. Try it to know.
Six,
A small advantage but an important one is that now you can see the time, date and day, instead of just time and date.
It just requires some getting used to. Once you do that it is a fabulous thing! Why do you think Windows 7 has a vertical dock bar and Vista had one too?
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Girl Rules
Disclaimer - It would be unfair to have the Guys' rules without having the girl's rules listed. This is 'partially' an 'original' creation. Certain rules have been added in all originality.
The girl rules –
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The female is never wrong.
3. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification
4. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted
5. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. The male must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset
12. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female
13. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish
14. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable
15. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior
16. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Begging the female for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a women's life
The Guys' Rules
Disclaimer - This post is not 'written' by me. However it was so good that it was imperative that I share it! Had I known the original source I would have cited it but this is from one of those innumerable mail threads that start off and disappear all of a sudden ....
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
------------------------------
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is emotional blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just come to the point and say it directly!!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. ‘may be’ , ‘perhaps’ and ‘whatever’ , such answers don’t serve any purpose
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. don’t force us to drag you to a doctor.
See a doctor yourself.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days
1. If you are no heroines, don’t expect us to act like heroes.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We ‘will’ act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the argument.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really…..
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as CRICKET OR FOOTBALL.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
1. All points are marked as point no. (1), becoz all points are equally Important.
There is no thing as More Important or less Important.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Ten obviously obvious questions that people ask
This is original work of the blogger.
I am sure all of us have been asked at least half of these questions.
1. Are you mad?
Really, what do people expect you to say to that! Yes, I am. Its congenital. Or No, I am not but it seems like you are.
2. Have you lost it?
Not the last time that I checked. Let me check again. Oh and by the by, which 'it'?
3. Am I looking fat?
Are you blind? See for yourself. If I say yes, you are going to have something to say about it and if I say no, you are going to have something to say about it anyway.
4. Are you angry?
No my face is like that because I ate something disagreeable! Have you done anything that should make me angry? If yes, then I am. If no, think again!
5. Did I wake you up?
No I talk in my sleep. Go on.
6. Are you listening?
If you have to ask me that, what do you think?
7. How could you do that to me?
You actually want me to tell you the detailed process? Really? Why don't I just do it again and show you?
8. How dumb is that?
For all intents and purposes I can't measure dumbness! And you don't really want me to tell you "How" dumb is that.
9. You know what happened.... ?
No I don't. And you sure as hell are going to tell me, even if I do. So go on.
10. Are you hurt? / Is it paining ?
It is bleeding. What do you think?
I am sure all of us have been asked at least half of these questions.
1. Are you mad?
Really, what do people expect you to say to that! Yes, I am. Its congenital. Or No, I am not but it seems like you are.
2. Have you lost it?
Not the last time that I checked. Let me check again. Oh and by the by, which 'it'?
3. Am I looking fat?
Are you blind? See for yourself. If I say yes, you are going to have something to say about it and if I say no, you are going to have something to say about it anyway.
4. Are you angry?
No my face is like that because I ate something disagreeable! Have you done anything that should make me angry? If yes, then I am. If no, think again!
5. Did I wake you up?
No I talk in my sleep. Go on.
6. Are you listening?
If you have to ask me that, what do you think?
7. How could you do that to me?
You actually want me to tell you the detailed process? Really? Why don't I just do it again and show you?
8. How dumb is that?
For all intents and purposes I can't measure dumbness! And you don't really want me to tell you "How" dumb is that.
9. You know what happened.... ?
No I don't. And you sure as hell are going to tell me, even if I do. So go on.
10. Are you hurt? / Is it paining ?
It is bleeding. What do you think?
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Juliet Guide
This is a copy of the desi Juliet guide by Sudipta Chatterjee, albeit a little modified and edited.
This document may be copied and reproduced freely, except for commercial purposes, provided you mention the source of its first publication here at this URL: http://sudiptachatterjee.blogspot.com/2007/11/desi-juliet-guide.html
The original post was intended to categorize the Juliets at US universities but I find it true in the Indian context as well.
No categories in this post are fictional, any resemblance to any of the categories is not a coincidence, it is purely intentional. You are allowed to take offence but grumbling about the offence is not encouraged. If you are worried that your delicate female sensibilities might be hurt, go on, a little hurt never hurts.
THE BALLERINA (Julietofus Dansicus)
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Ever since she ventured out shook her leg at the freshers’ induction party and got complimented by the slimy groper, she believes that she has got the best moves since Nadia Comaneci herself. Waves off all compliments about her dancing skills with an artistic hand, but is always pleased secretly. Signs up for Salsa classes at the university and drags along some hapless father figure for company, but soon ditches him and fancies the hunky blonde bloke there who she never gets to be a 'partner' with. Gives out free dancing tips to anyone who cares to listen, which always subtly leads to the conclusion about how good she is at dancing! Usually has a fair amount of success in attracting people of the opposite sex, although sometimes gets mistaken for the fast one.
THE SNOBFACE (Julietofus Pedigree-ius)
================================================
The total number of words uttered by her since you met her can be noted on the backside of an envelope. Walks with her nose permanently up in the air, and somehow considers it below her dignity to talk any extra sentence with anyone. Needless to say, beyond the circle of friends who need to interact with her in her class, she doesn't end up with much male attention. Even the desperate ones who venture to chat her up usually get the terse monosyllabic replies and 'get' the message. Sometimes she is confused with the ultra cautious variety (see below), but she gives out a distinct cold stare that is different from the deer in headlight stare associated with the other one.
MOTHER MARY (Julietofus Matronus)
================================================
Whoever said reincarnations aren't possible obviously never knew of Florence Nightingale or this variety of juliets. People tend to remember her whenever they need money. Her purse strings open even when the guys' dogs die back home. Usually her living room has trouble accommodating pictures of all the 3 million gods and goddesses, and she defines very strict boundaries for all forms of shoes or sandals about the door. Has perfected all dishes her mother knew, and therefore is usually a sure invite to any pot luck dinner party. Always lightly chastises her friends about their homework, their health, and why they should pray to God daily. People seem to magically disappear from her house right after the lunch or dinner even though they promise that they are stepping out to take an urgent call.
CATWOMAN (Julietofus Amoramus)
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A flirt of the first order, her dreams of meeting a prince charming disappear as soon as she encounters bulging potbellies of seniors. Gives out free hugs to almost anyone at every occasion, and nobody minds the occasional dirty joke which she cracks in select company. Smiles at guys to get rides to the local grocery store, and always has two or three guys just a phonecall away when she goes to the local Taco Bell to eat. Guys sometimes mistake her to be a fast one, but pretty soon realize that she is just in it for "fun" and is not willing to go to any base. She usually has a huge fan following, much to the envy of the other girls.
THE CHATTERBOX (Julietofus Blabberifus)
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Whenever she walks into any group of friends, she always assumes that they have all been dying to listen to what has been happening in either her second cousin's boyfriend's or Shahrukh Khan's life. Consequently, she proceeds to enlighten everyone with the details excitedly, and more background knowledge and forecasts are available on demand. The guys gradually learn this and suddenly seem to crave for strong coffee as soon as she shows up at the table. Excluding the real desperate ones, therefore, she doesn't have much luck in getting the guys' attention, and usually ends up blabbering to those unfortunate ones she catches at the library common discussion area. Always wonders aloud why there's enough time to do her work, and wonders to herself why the 'cute' guy is so fidgety and looking at his watch so often when she visits him during his 2 hours of office during the week.
UBER-GIRLY (Julietofus Pansipus)
================================================
The emoticons on Yahoo came as a blessing for this kind, who had to resort to the LOLs and ROTFLs of yore. Spends most of her time online catching up with all friends in India or at other universities, and she knows all the shortcuts to the emoticons by heart. Can type faster than anyone can speak, and amazingly keeps up with 4 different chat windows simultaneously while she types her report for the assignment. She conspires with the others of her kind and/or the chatterboxes imagining relationships among people who have been spotted hanging out together more than once. Always dresses in some variety of pink, and goes coochie-coo over anything that remotely qualifies as cute, including book covers; but shrieks whenever she spots a cricket from a furlong away. Visits the beauty salon at least once every fortnight, and is the primary customer of the local CVS where she gets her moisturizers and facial creams. Always wonders why the guys don't do things the Mills and Boons way, and why she remains a 'friend' friend for everyone.
BASANTI (Julietofus Rusticus)
================================================
India went global and exported this variety as the symbol of desi village culture and tradition. She turned up wearing anklets on the first day at school, and has learned since then that bizzare shining yellow and orange salwar kameez-es don't really need those jewelry to draw extra attention. Switches into her dehati accent in the middle of a conversation suddenly, and is not bothered at all about the people staring into her face blankly. Manages to accompany everyone who goes anytime to the local Walmart or Sears garment stores "for just window-shopping", and somehow finds the most gawdy and fluorescent colors to take back home.
THE ULTRA FEMINIST (Julietofus Sultanus)
================================================
God help the person who dares crack a joke in front of this female. She interprets every remark, gesture and sentence with caution, and isn't afraid to pick a fight if she whiffs anything misogynistic there. Having waged a lone battle against all roadside romeos and the scoffing guys and uncles back home, any person whose stare lingers for that extra second has unlimited audio input for pretty much the rest of his day. She is disappointed to find that the greek sororities are only for undergrads, but promptly signs up for all convocations and gatherings of women in her field. The fact that the primary focus of these meetings isn't male bashing disappoints her and she takes the onus upon herself to see that adequate justice is served in the world.
FIRANGI PHASAYA (Julietofus Oversea-us)
================================================
The sum of all fears of the Indian parents when they send their daughters here comes true in this form: when there appears an American boyfriend. Whether or not she's "done it", the general spate of rumours surrounding her ensure that she cuts off bonds with the general desi junta. Soon develops the slurr in her accent and says "like" at every opportunity. She prefers to eat lettuce and pork sandwiches instead of parathas, and goes out with her buddies to "eat Indian" sometimes. The last nail on the coffin, literally, is featured when her parents notice the 'piercing' on her navel in one of the many photos she sends home.
ULTRA CAUTIOUS (Julietofus Cherry-pickus)
================================================
This variety is the complete opposite of the firebrand feminist in her reaction to the male species. She interprets all emails as hidden mating calls, always double-checks and cross checks her books when returned from her classmates looking for hidden chits containing 'explicit' messages. She also popularizes a classic deer-in-headlight stare since the time she is asked out for coffee by a guy. As a rule, she never gives her number out to anyone unless asked thrice, and then any call after 9:00 p.m. inevitably lands in her voice mailbox. Any guy is surprised to see her pics from girls-only parties because they thought the scowl on her face was natural and permanent.
MISS BIRDBRAINS (Julietofus Pinheadus)
================================================
Around this kind, you get the feeling that the university admission process is indeed random. She is perpetually lost in the campus, and defines her day by the number of times she tripped and fell that day. Habitually loses her purse, her shoes or mobile phone in the campus and becomes friends with the folks at the lost and found. She ends up choosing the courses for her semester where her best friend goes, and blames everyone else for her poor grades in the subject. She's also spotted frequently at the 'wrong' parties, gets to go to the 'wrong' movies with the guys, and ends up at the 'wrong' sections of the campus during the 'wrong' hours. She can't keep track of her money, and spends 200$ for an iPod without battling an eyelid but thinks thrice before she spends 5$ for her lunch. She laments continually to her 'best' friends why she doesn't have a boyfriend, and everyone around her is relieved when her parents find someone back home for her, finally.
THE ROUND ONE (Julietofus Slimmifus)
================================================
The extra pound of flesh that she carries is a constant source of whining for the round one. She loves to play spoilsport and not eat anything oily when she goes out to eat with her friends. However, her fridge remains stashed with chocolate milk and cheese, which of course she munches on as part of the midnight snack. Her trips to the gym consist of 15 minutes of walking on the treadmill while eyeing the blonde guys, and that too is discontinued after the first 7 days of the semester.
VEGGIE DELITE (Julietofus herbivorous)
================================================
The only 'bone' she has to pick with everyone who eats non-vegetarian. The otherwise quiet person suddenly grimaces when people order chicken or fish at a fast food joint. She considers any non-vegetarian to be Satan's neighbor, and firmly believes that constant nagging will definitely rid the said person of his 'Satanic' habits. Anyone who dares ask her why milk is vegetarian whereas an egg is non-vegetarian is doomed to be labeled an atheist. The kind of love she reserves for the actual atheists is the stuff legends are made of. God makes sure, in the interest of his other creations on earth, that she weds a vegetarian husband.
THE TAKEN ONES (Julietofus long-distancus)
================================================
The percentage of girls who arrive with an existing relationship belong to this category. A rare few come with boyfriends in the same univ in a different department. These mix around fairly amicably with the rest of the folks. The next variety have their boyfriends somewhere in the US: either working or in some other university. All minutes after 9:00 are spent by her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and her friends and room-mates gradually learn to adjust their timings accordingly. The last kind are the most extreme: their boyfriends are left behind in India and she suddenly discovers the marvels of technology in the form of google talk and yahoo messenger. Out of sight out of mind, fights from long distances, permanent silent treatment... lets just leave it at that.
THE PRETENDER(Julietofus Posericus)
================================================
Unlike the Foo Fighters song, she has the depth of a puddle of water.She can verily spout the names of movies and popular literature, making a would-be-Romeo believe in the adage of soul mates.However with a bit of cross-questioning and in depth conversations, she shatters his hopes.She might proclaim she loves Metallica, but her heart belongs to certain boys who croon in backstreets and peppy adolescent singers of infinite romances.She probably is the most attractive girl in her group and therefore is most of the time found to be surrounded by lesser Juliets.However, she is an important ally to have on one's side as she and her posse have enough contacts to bail one out of a sticky wicket.
THE BRAINIAC (Julietofus geekipus)
================================================
She is probably the stream topper or most likely the university topper.If ever observed during her formative years at junior school and college she can be seen terrorizing teachers and fellow mates for that elusive 0.5 mark, so as to retain her 1st Rank.If in a good state of mind she can be approached to explain that elusive theorem or problem.Faculty are usually seen fawning over her, and she suffers from a case of intellectual dysentery during viva-voce examinations.She is the best bet in one's project group and a fine template for answers in case one ends up a seat behind her during exams.If pestered enough, i.e.
On a side note, geekipus, may also include the very elusive gamer chick/metal head/or Asimov fanatic.If found, please report to the proper authorities for inclusion into the Red List.
SKELETOR (Julietofus nazgulata)
================================================
Contrary to Slimmifus who eats her feelings, she doesn't eat anything.A Romeo who has sprung a decent amount to take her out to a water hole ends up feeling like a gorging pig as she only champs on salads.To stump the poor fellow she may ask if cold water burns more calories than tap water.Oh Romeo, if faced by the question of "Am I fat", RUN.Else, pretend to choke on your own tongue and hope that Mother Earth pulls a Sita retrival on your desperate soul.She makes for one heck of an arm-candy and is the bane of slimy gropers.
This document may be copied and reproduced freely, except for commercial purposes, provided you mention the source of its first publication here at this URL: http://sudiptachatterjee.blogspot.com/2007/11/desi-juliet-guide.html
The original post was intended to categorize the Juliets at US universities but I find it true in the Indian context as well.
No categories in this post are fictional, any resemblance to any of the categories is not a coincidence, it is purely intentional. You are allowed to take offence but grumbling about the offence is not encouraged. If you are worried that your delicate female sensibilities might be hurt, go on, a little hurt never hurts.
THE BALLERINA (Julietofus Dansicus)
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Ever since she ventured out shook her leg at the freshers’ induction party and got complimented by the slimy groper, she believes that she has got the best moves since Nadia Comaneci herself. Waves off all compliments about her dancing skills with an artistic hand, but is always pleased secretly. Signs up for Salsa classes at the university and drags along some hapless father figure for company, but soon ditches him and fancies the hunky blonde bloke there who she never gets to be a 'partner' with. Gives out free dancing tips to anyone who cares to listen, which always subtly leads to the conclusion about how good she is at dancing! Usually has a fair amount of success in attracting people of the opposite sex, although sometimes gets mistaken for the fast one.
THE SNOBFACE (Julietofus Pedigree-ius)
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The total number of words uttered by her since you met her can be noted on the backside of an envelope. Walks with her nose permanently up in the air, and somehow considers it below her dignity to talk any extra sentence with anyone. Needless to say, beyond the circle of friends who need to interact with her in her class, she doesn't end up with much male attention. Even the desperate ones who venture to chat her up usually get the terse monosyllabic replies and 'get' the message. Sometimes she is confused with the ultra cautious variety (see below), but she gives out a distinct cold stare that is different from the deer in headlight stare associated with the other one.
MOTHER MARY (Julietofus Matronus)
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Whoever said reincarnations aren't possible obviously never knew of Florence Nightingale or this variety of juliets. People tend to remember her whenever they need money. Her purse strings open even when the guys' dogs die back home. Usually her living room has trouble accommodating pictures of all the 3 million gods and goddesses, and she defines very strict boundaries for all forms of shoes or sandals about the door. Has perfected all dishes her mother knew, and therefore is usually a sure invite to any pot luck dinner party. Always lightly chastises her friends about their homework, their health, and why they should pray to God daily. People seem to magically disappear from her house right after the lunch or dinner even though they promise that they are stepping out to take an urgent call.
CATWOMAN (Julietofus Amoramus)
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A flirt of the first order, her dreams of meeting a prince charming disappear as soon as she encounters bulging potbellies of seniors. Gives out free hugs to almost anyone at every occasion, and nobody minds the occasional dirty joke which she cracks in select company. Smiles at guys to get rides to the local grocery store, and always has two or three guys just a phonecall away when she goes to the local Taco Bell to eat. Guys sometimes mistake her to be a fast one, but pretty soon realize that she is just in it for "fun" and is not willing to go to any base. She usually has a huge fan following, much to the envy of the other girls.
THE CHATTERBOX (Julietofus Blabberifus)
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Whenever she walks into any group of friends, she always assumes that they have all been dying to listen to what has been happening in either her second cousin's boyfriend's or Shahrukh Khan's life. Consequently, she proceeds to enlighten everyone with the details excitedly, and more background knowledge and forecasts are available on demand. The guys gradually learn this and suddenly seem to crave for strong coffee as soon as she shows up at the table. Excluding the real desperate ones, therefore, she doesn't have much luck in getting the guys' attention, and usually ends up blabbering to those unfortunate ones she catches at the library common discussion area. Always wonders aloud why there's enough time to do her work, and wonders to herself why the 'cute' guy is so fidgety and looking at his watch so often when she visits him during his 2 hours of office during the week.
UBER-GIRLY (Julietofus Pansipus)
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The emoticons on Yahoo came as a blessing for this kind, who had to resort to the LOLs and ROTFLs of yore. Spends most of her time online catching up with all friends in India or at other universities, and she knows all the shortcuts to the emoticons by heart. Can type faster than anyone can speak, and amazingly keeps up with 4 different chat windows simultaneously while she types her report for the assignment. She conspires with the others of her kind and/or the chatterboxes imagining relationships among people who have been spotted hanging out together more than once. Always dresses in some variety of pink, and goes coochie-coo over anything that remotely qualifies as cute, including book covers; but shrieks whenever she spots a cricket from a furlong away. Visits the beauty salon at least once every fortnight, and is the primary customer of the local CVS where she gets her moisturizers and facial creams. Always wonders why the guys don't do things the Mills and Boons way, and why she remains a 'friend' friend for everyone.
BASANTI (Julietofus Rusticus)
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India went global and exported this variety as the symbol of desi village culture and tradition. She turned up wearing anklets on the first day at school, and has learned since then that bizzare shining yellow and orange salwar kameez-es don't really need those jewelry to draw extra attention. Switches into her dehati accent in the middle of a conversation suddenly, and is not bothered at all about the people staring into her face blankly. Manages to accompany everyone who goes anytime to the local Walmart or Sears garment stores "for just window-shopping", and somehow finds the most gawdy and fluorescent colors to take back home.
THE ULTRA FEMINIST (Julietofus Sultanus)
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God help the person who dares crack a joke in front of this female. She interprets every remark, gesture and sentence with caution, and isn't afraid to pick a fight if she whiffs anything misogynistic there. Having waged a lone battle against all roadside romeos and the scoffing guys and uncles back home, any person whose stare lingers for that extra second has unlimited audio input for pretty much the rest of his day. She is disappointed to find that the greek sororities are only for undergrads, but promptly signs up for all convocations and gatherings of women in her field. The fact that the primary focus of these meetings isn't male bashing disappoints her and she takes the onus upon herself to see that adequate justice is served in the world.
FIRANGI PHASAYA (Julietofus Oversea-us)
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The sum of all fears of the Indian parents when they send their daughters here comes true in this form: when there appears an American boyfriend. Whether or not she's "done it", the general spate of rumours surrounding her ensure that she cuts off bonds with the general desi junta. Soon develops the slurr in her accent and says "like" at every opportunity. She prefers to eat lettuce and pork sandwiches instead of parathas, and goes out with her buddies to "eat Indian" sometimes. The last nail on the coffin, literally, is featured when her parents notice the 'piercing' on her navel in one of the many photos she sends home.
ULTRA CAUTIOUS (Julietofus Cherry-pickus)
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This variety is the complete opposite of the firebrand feminist in her reaction to the male species. She interprets all emails as hidden mating calls, always double-checks and cross checks her books when returned from her classmates looking for hidden chits containing 'explicit' messages. She also popularizes a classic deer-in-headlight stare since the time she is asked out for coffee by a guy. As a rule, she never gives her number out to anyone unless asked thrice, and then any call after 9:00 p.m. inevitably lands in her voice mailbox. Any guy is surprised to see her pics from girls-only parties because they thought the scowl on her face was natural and permanent.
MISS BIRDBRAINS (Julietofus Pinheadus)
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Around this kind, you get the feeling that the university admission process is indeed random. She is perpetually lost in the campus, and defines her day by the number of times she tripped and fell that day. Habitually loses her purse, her shoes or mobile phone in the campus and becomes friends with the folks at the lost and found. She ends up choosing the courses for her semester where her best friend goes, and blames everyone else for her poor grades in the subject. She's also spotted frequently at the 'wrong' parties, gets to go to the 'wrong' movies with the guys, and ends up at the 'wrong' sections of the campus during the 'wrong' hours. She can't keep track of her money, and spends 200$ for an iPod without battling an eyelid but thinks thrice before she spends 5$ for her lunch. She laments continually to her 'best' friends why she doesn't have a boyfriend, and everyone around her is relieved when her parents find someone back home for her, finally.
THE ROUND ONE (Julietofus Slimmifus)
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The extra pound of flesh that she carries is a constant source of whining for the round one. She loves to play spoilsport and not eat anything oily when she goes out to eat with her friends. However, her fridge remains stashed with chocolate milk and cheese, which of course she munches on as part of the midnight snack. Her trips to the gym consist of 15 minutes of walking on the treadmill while eyeing the blonde guys, and that too is discontinued after the first 7 days of the semester.
VEGGIE DELITE (Julietofus herbivorous)
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The only 'bone' she has to pick with everyone who eats non-vegetarian. The otherwise quiet person suddenly grimaces when people order chicken or fish at a fast food joint. She considers any non-vegetarian to be Satan's neighbor, and firmly believes that constant nagging will definitely rid the said person of his 'Satanic' habits. Anyone who dares ask her why milk is vegetarian whereas an egg is non-vegetarian is doomed to be labeled an atheist. The kind of love she reserves for the actual atheists is the stuff legends are made of. God makes sure, in the interest of his other creations on earth, that she weds a vegetarian husband.
THE TAKEN ONES (Julietofus long-distancus)
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The percentage of girls who arrive with an existing relationship belong to this category. A rare few come with boyfriends in the same univ in a different department. These mix around fairly amicably with the rest of the folks. The next variety have their boyfriends somewhere in the US: either working or in some other university. All minutes after 9:00 are spent by her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and her friends and room-mates gradually learn to adjust their timings accordingly. The last kind are the most extreme: their boyfriends are left behind in India and she suddenly discovers the marvels of technology in the form of google talk and yahoo messenger. Out of sight out of mind, fights from long distances, permanent silent treatment... lets just leave it at that.
THE PRETENDER(Julietofus Posericus)
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Unlike the Foo Fighters song, she has the depth of a puddle of water.She can verily spout the names of movies and popular literature, making a would-be-Romeo believe in the adage of soul mates.However with a bit of cross-questioning and in depth conversations, she shatters his hopes.She might proclaim she loves Metallica, but her heart belongs to certain boys who croon in backstreets and peppy adolescent singers of infinite romances.She probably is the most attractive girl in her group and therefore is most of the time found to be surrounded by lesser Juliets.However, she is an important ally to have on one's side as she and her posse have enough contacts to bail one out of a sticky wicket.
THE BRAINIAC (Julietofus geekipus)
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She is probably the stream topper or most likely the university topper.If ever observed during her formative years at junior school and college she can be seen terrorizing teachers and fellow mates for that elusive 0.5 mark, so as to retain her 1st Rank.If in a good state of mind she can be approached to explain that elusive theorem or problem.Faculty are usually seen fawning over her, and she suffers from a case of intellectual dysentery during viva-voce examinations.She is the best bet in one's project group and a fine template for answers in case one ends up a seat behind her during exams.If pestered enough, i.e.
On a side note, geekipus, may also include the very elusive gamer chick/metal head/or Asimov fanatic.If found, please report to the proper authorities for inclusion into the Red List.
SKELETOR (Julietofus nazgulata)
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Contrary to Slimmifus who eats her feelings, she doesn't eat anything.A Romeo who has sprung a decent amount to take her out to a water hole ends up feeling like a gorging pig as she only champs on salads.To stump the poor fellow she may ask if cold water burns more calories than tap water.Oh Romeo, if faced by the question of "Am I fat", RUN.Else, pretend to choke on your own tongue and hope that Mother Earth pulls a Sita retrival on your desperate soul.She makes for one heck of an arm-candy and is the bane of slimy gropers.
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