This post is borrowed and not an original work of this blogger.
An Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
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Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Immediately Amar Singh from SP has visited the place & given assurance to Grasshoppers that he will be 100 % with them & their support is always with him. Same letter support (Assurance) has been shown by Amar Singh in front of all Electronic Media in press conference & special coverage is shown on all SAHARA channels as a breaking news..
Amnesty International and Ban Ki Moon criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
All Leading Cell phone Service Provider Companies are asking to send the SMS to support to Grasshopper like write "SUPPORT" Y/N Y= Yes N=No & send to 58585. Cost of the SMS is only Rs.5/- .
Whereas Reliance is charging only Rs. 3/- & for repeat sender Only Rs.
2/-
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh'
in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
BJP & VHP along with Bajrang Dal, Shivsena & allied Hinduist Parties called MUK
MORCHA/RASTA ROKO/RAIL ROKO Andolan in all leading cities of India which resulted in 40 killed & more than 200 persons (figure as per Govt Record - It may be less than actual) are injured where 2 days of regular life & more than of 10,000 crore of commercial transaction is affected.
Pressure mounts from US/UK & other foreign countries on Indian Government to give justice to Grasshopper.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Ban Ki Moon invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
.
..AND
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Love After Love
Certain content in this post is borrowed and not an original work of this blogger. Certain content though is original.
Sometimes when I read a book I come across some very beautiful things in those pages before the preface. Here's one of those from "Time Traveller's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
—Derek Walcott
Sometimes when I read a book I come across some very beautiful things in those pages before the preface. Here's one of those from "Time Traveller's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
—Derek Walcott
Friday, March 18, 2011
Advantages of a vertical taskbar!
This is original work of the blogger.
It has been two years since I use a vertical taskbar, and have found numerous advantages of it. People often tell me its hard to work with but I cannot help but point out the vast difference in usability that it makes!
One,
I read a lot of things on my machine, training materials, e-books, blogs, emails and I find the need of vertical space more than that of horizontal space. Less Scrolling.
Two,
I can fit as much as 15 windows on the bar before it gets cramped. And yes, I need so many windows at a time, a email window, 2 chat windows, firefox, a couple of explorers, a couple of remote desktop connections and so on.
Three,
Vertical things are easy to look up and find the necessary object. Hence the human preferences for lists and to do lists (they are vertical and so are most schedules).
Four,
Less eye movement. Your eyes mostly travel on the same level left to right to find the necessary window less up down eye movement, less neck movement.
Five,
The side of the screen is easier to reach with your mouse. Try it to know.
Six,
A small advantage but an important one is that now you can see the time, date and day, instead of just time and date.
It just requires some getting used to. Once you do that it is a fabulous thing! Why do you think Windows 7 has a vertical dock bar and Vista had one too?
It has been two years since I use a vertical taskbar, and have found numerous advantages of it. People often tell me its hard to work with but I cannot help but point out the vast difference in usability that it makes!
One,
I read a lot of things on my machine, training materials, e-books, blogs, emails and I find the need of vertical space more than that of horizontal space. Less Scrolling.
Two,
I can fit as much as 15 windows on the bar before it gets cramped. And yes, I need so many windows at a time, a email window, 2 chat windows, firefox, a couple of explorers, a couple of remote desktop connections and so on.
Three,
Vertical things are easy to look up and find the necessary object. Hence the human preferences for lists and to do lists (they are vertical and so are most schedules).
Four,
Less eye movement. Your eyes mostly travel on the same level left to right to find the necessary window less up down eye movement, less neck movement.
Five,
The side of the screen is easier to reach with your mouse. Try it to know.
Six,
A small advantage but an important one is that now you can see the time, date and day, instead of just time and date.
It just requires some getting used to. Once you do that it is a fabulous thing! Why do you think Windows 7 has a vertical dock bar and Vista had one too?
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Girl Rules
Disclaimer - It would be unfair to have the Guys' rules without having the girl's rules listed. This is 'partially' an 'original' creation. Certain rules have been added in all originality.
The girl rules –
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The female is never wrong.
3. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification
4. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted
5. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. The male must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset
12. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female
13. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish
14. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable
15. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior
16. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Begging the female for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a women's life
The Guys' Rules
Disclaimer - This post is not 'written' by me. However it was so good that it was imperative that I share it! Had I known the original source I would have cited it but this is from one of those innumerable mail threads that start off and disappear all of a sudden ....
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
------------------------------
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is emotional blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just come to the point and say it directly!!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. ‘may be’ , ‘perhaps’ and ‘whatever’ , such answers don’t serve any purpose
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. don’t force us to drag you to a doctor.
See a doctor yourself.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days
1. If you are no heroines, don’t expect us to act like heroes.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We ‘will’ act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the argument.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really…..
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as CRICKET OR FOOTBALL.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
1. All points are marked as point no. (1), becoz all points are equally Important.
There is no thing as More Important or less Important.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Ten obviously obvious questions that people ask
This is original work of the blogger.
I am sure all of us have been asked at least half of these questions.
1. Are you mad?
Really, what do people expect you to say to that! Yes, I am. Its congenital. Or No, I am not but it seems like you are.
2. Have you lost it?
Not the last time that I checked. Let me check again. Oh and by the by, which 'it'?
3. Am I looking fat?
Are you blind? See for yourself. If I say yes, you are going to have something to say about it and if I say no, you are going to have something to say about it anyway.
4. Are you angry?
No my face is like that because I ate something disagreeable! Have you done anything that should make me angry? If yes, then I am. If no, think again!
5. Did I wake you up?
No I talk in my sleep. Go on.
6. Are you listening?
If you have to ask me that, what do you think?
7. How could you do that to me?
You actually want me to tell you the detailed process? Really? Why don't I just do it again and show you?
8. How dumb is that?
For all intents and purposes I can't measure dumbness! And you don't really want me to tell you "How" dumb is that.
9. You know what happened.... ?
No I don't. And you sure as hell are going to tell me, even if I do. So go on.
10. Are you hurt? / Is it paining ?
It is bleeding. What do you think?
I am sure all of us have been asked at least half of these questions.
1. Are you mad?
Really, what do people expect you to say to that! Yes, I am. Its congenital. Or No, I am not but it seems like you are.
2. Have you lost it?
Not the last time that I checked. Let me check again. Oh and by the by, which 'it'?
3. Am I looking fat?
Are you blind? See for yourself. If I say yes, you are going to have something to say about it and if I say no, you are going to have something to say about it anyway.
4. Are you angry?
No my face is like that because I ate something disagreeable! Have you done anything that should make me angry? If yes, then I am. If no, think again!
5. Did I wake you up?
No I talk in my sleep. Go on.
6. Are you listening?
If you have to ask me that, what do you think?
7. How could you do that to me?
You actually want me to tell you the detailed process? Really? Why don't I just do it again and show you?
8. How dumb is that?
For all intents and purposes I can't measure dumbness! And you don't really want me to tell you "How" dumb is that.
9. You know what happened.... ?
No I don't. And you sure as hell are going to tell me, even if I do. So go on.
10. Are you hurt? / Is it paining ?
It is bleeding. What do you think?
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Juliet Guide
This is a copy of the desi Juliet guide by Sudipta Chatterjee, albeit a little modified and edited.
This document may be copied and reproduced freely, except for commercial purposes, provided you mention the source of its first publication here at this URL: http://sudiptachatterjee.blogspot.com/2007/11/desi-juliet-guide.html
The original post was intended to categorize the Juliets at US universities but I find it true in the Indian context as well.
No categories in this post are fictional, any resemblance to any of the categories is not a coincidence, it is purely intentional. You are allowed to take offence but grumbling about the offence is not encouraged. If you are worried that your delicate female sensibilities might be hurt, go on, a little hurt never hurts.
THE BALLERINA (Julietofus Dansicus)
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Ever since she ventured out shook her leg at the freshers’ induction party and got complimented by the slimy groper, she believes that she has got the best moves since Nadia Comaneci herself. Waves off all compliments about her dancing skills with an artistic hand, but is always pleased secretly. Signs up for Salsa classes at the university and drags along some hapless father figure for company, but soon ditches him and fancies the hunky blonde bloke there who she never gets to be a 'partner' with. Gives out free dancing tips to anyone who cares to listen, which always subtly leads to the conclusion about how good she is at dancing! Usually has a fair amount of success in attracting people of the opposite sex, although sometimes gets mistaken for the fast one.
THE SNOBFACE (Julietofus Pedigree-ius)
================================================
The total number of words uttered by her since you met her can be noted on the backside of an envelope. Walks with her nose permanently up in the air, and somehow considers it below her dignity to talk any extra sentence with anyone. Needless to say, beyond the circle of friends who need to interact with her in her class, she doesn't end up with much male attention. Even the desperate ones who venture to chat her up usually get the terse monosyllabic replies and 'get' the message. Sometimes she is confused with the ultra cautious variety (see below), but she gives out a distinct cold stare that is different from the deer in headlight stare associated with the other one.
MOTHER MARY (Julietofus Matronus)
================================================
Whoever said reincarnations aren't possible obviously never knew of Florence Nightingale or this variety of juliets. People tend to remember her whenever they need money. Her purse strings open even when the guys' dogs die back home. Usually her living room has trouble accommodating pictures of all the 3 million gods and goddesses, and she defines very strict boundaries for all forms of shoes or sandals about the door. Has perfected all dishes her mother knew, and therefore is usually a sure invite to any pot luck dinner party. Always lightly chastises her friends about their homework, their health, and why they should pray to God daily. People seem to magically disappear from her house right after the lunch or dinner even though they promise that they are stepping out to take an urgent call.
CATWOMAN (Julietofus Amoramus)
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A flirt of the first order, her dreams of meeting a prince charming disappear as soon as she encounters bulging potbellies of seniors. Gives out free hugs to almost anyone at every occasion, and nobody minds the occasional dirty joke which she cracks in select company. Smiles at guys to get rides to the local grocery store, and always has two or three guys just a phonecall away when she goes to the local Taco Bell to eat. Guys sometimes mistake her to be a fast one, but pretty soon realize that she is just in it for "fun" and is not willing to go to any base. She usually has a huge fan following, much to the envy of the other girls.
THE CHATTERBOX (Julietofus Blabberifus)
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Whenever she walks into any group of friends, she always assumes that they have all been dying to listen to what has been happening in either her second cousin's boyfriend's or Shahrukh Khan's life. Consequently, she proceeds to enlighten everyone with the details excitedly, and more background knowledge and forecasts are available on demand. The guys gradually learn this and suddenly seem to crave for strong coffee as soon as she shows up at the table. Excluding the real desperate ones, therefore, she doesn't have much luck in getting the guys' attention, and usually ends up blabbering to those unfortunate ones she catches at the library common discussion area. Always wonders aloud why there's enough time to do her work, and wonders to herself why the 'cute' guy is so fidgety and looking at his watch so often when she visits him during his 2 hours of office during the week.
UBER-GIRLY (Julietofus Pansipus)
================================================
The emoticons on Yahoo came as a blessing for this kind, who had to resort to the LOLs and ROTFLs of yore. Spends most of her time online catching up with all friends in India or at other universities, and she knows all the shortcuts to the emoticons by heart. Can type faster than anyone can speak, and amazingly keeps up with 4 different chat windows simultaneously while she types her report for the assignment. She conspires with the others of her kind and/or the chatterboxes imagining relationships among people who have been spotted hanging out together more than once. Always dresses in some variety of pink, and goes coochie-coo over anything that remotely qualifies as cute, including book covers; but shrieks whenever she spots a cricket from a furlong away. Visits the beauty salon at least once every fortnight, and is the primary customer of the local CVS where she gets her moisturizers and facial creams. Always wonders why the guys don't do things the Mills and Boons way, and why she remains a 'friend' friend for everyone.
BASANTI (Julietofus Rusticus)
================================================
India went global and exported this variety as the symbol of desi village culture and tradition. She turned up wearing anklets on the first day at school, and has learned since then that bizzare shining yellow and orange salwar kameez-es don't really need those jewelry to draw extra attention. Switches into her dehati accent in the middle of a conversation suddenly, and is not bothered at all about the people staring into her face blankly. Manages to accompany everyone who goes anytime to the local Walmart or Sears garment stores "for just window-shopping", and somehow finds the most gawdy and fluorescent colors to take back home.
THE ULTRA FEMINIST (Julietofus Sultanus)
================================================
God help the person who dares crack a joke in front of this female. She interprets every remark, gesture and sentence with caution, and isn't afraid to pick a fight if she whiffs anything misogynistic there. Having waged a lone battle against all roadside romeos and the scoffing guys and uncles back home, any person whose stare lingers for that extra second has unlimited audio input for pretty much the rest of his day. She is disappointed to find that the greek sororities are only for undergrads, but promptly signs up for all convocations and gatherings of women in her field. The fact that the primary focus of these meetings isn't male bashing disappoints her and she takes the onus upon herself to see that adequate justice is served in the world.
FIRANGI PHASAYA (Julietofus Oversea-us)
================================================
The sum of all fears of the Indian parents when they send their daughters here comes true in this form: when there appears an American boyfriend. Whether or not she's "done it", the general spate of rumours surrounding her ensure that she cuts off bonds with the general desi junta. Soon develops the slurr in her accent and says "like" at every opportunity. She prefers to eat lettuce and pork sandwiches instead of parathas, and goes out with her buddies to "eat Indian" sometimes. The last nail on the coffin, literally, is featured when her parents notice the 'piercing' on her navel in one of the many photos she sends home.
ULTRA CAUTIOUS (Julietofus Cherry-pickus)
================================================
This variety is the complete opposite of the firebrand feminist in her reaction to the male species. She interprets all emails as hidden mating calls, always double-checks and cross checks her books when returned from her classmates looking for hidden chits containing 'explicit' messages. She also popularizes a classic deer-in-headlight stare since the time she is asked out for coffee by a guy. As a rule, she never gives her number out to anyone unless asked thrice, and then any call after 9:00 p.m. inevitably lands in her voice mailbox. Any guy is surprised to see her pics from girls-only parties because they thought the scowl on her face was natural and permanent.
MISS BIRDBRAINS (Julietofus Pinheadus)
================================================
Around this kind, you get the feeling that the university admission process is indeed random. She is perpetually lost in the campus, and defines her day by the number of times she tripped and fell that day. Habitually loses her purse, her shoes or mobile phone in the campus and becomes friends with the folks at the lost and found. She ends up choosing the courses for her semester where her best friend goes, and blames everyone else for her poor grades in the subject. She's also spotted frequently at the 'wrong' parties, gets to go to the 'wrong' movies with the guys, and ends up at the 'wrong' sections of the campus during the 'wrong' hours. She can't keep track of her money, and spends 200$ for an iPod without battling an eyelid but thinks thrice before she spends 5$ for her lunch. She laments continually to her 'best' friends why she doesn't have a boyfriend, and everyone around her is relieved when her parents find someone back home for her, finally.
THE ROUND ONE (Julietofus Slimmifus)
================================================
The extra pound of flesh that she carries is a constant source of whining for the round one. She loves to play spoilsport and not eat anything oily when she goes out to eat with her friends. However, her fridge remains stashed with chocolate milk and cheese, which of course she munches on as part of the midnight snack. Her trips to the gym consist of 15 minutes of walking on the treadmill while eyeing the blonde guys, and that too is discontinued after the first 7 days of the semester.
VEGGIE DELITE (Julietofus herbivorous)
================================================
The only 'bone' she has to pick with everyone who eats non-vegetarian. The otherwise quiet person suddenly grimaces when people order chicken or fish at a fast food joint. She considers any non-vegetarian to be Satan's neighbor, and firmly believes that constant nagging will definitely rid the said person of his 'Satanic' habits. Anyone who dares ask her why milk is vegetarian whereas an egg is non-vegetarian is doomed to be labeled an atheist. The kind of love she reserves for the actual atheists is the stuff legends are made of. God makes sure, in the interest of his other creations on earth, that she weds a vegetarian husband.
THE TAKEN ONES (Julietofus long-distancus)
================================================
The percentage of girls who arrive with an existing relationship belong to this category. A rare few come with boyfriends in the same univ in a different department. These mix around fairly amicably with the rest of the folks. The next variety have their boyfriends somewhere in the US: either working or in some other university. All minutes after 9:00 are spent by her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and her friends and room-mates gradually learn to adjust their timings accordingly. The last kind are the most extreme: their boyfriends are left behind in India and she suddenly discovers the marvels of technology in the form of google talk and yahoo messenger. Out of sight out of mind, fights from long distances, permanent silent treatment... lets just leave it at that.
THE PRETENDER(Julietofus Posericus)
================================================
Unlike the Foo Fighters song, she has the depth of a puddle of water.She can verily spout the names of movies and popular literature, making a would-be-Romeo believe in the adage of soul mates.However with a bit of cross-questioning and in depth conversations, she shatters his hopes.She might proclaim she loves Metallica, but her heart belongs to certain boys who croon in backstreets and peppy adolescent singers of infinite romances.She probably is the most attractive girl in her group and therefore is most of the time found to be surrounded by lesser Juliets.However, she is an important ally to have on one's side as she and her posse have enough contacts to bail one out of a sticky wicket.
THE BRAINIAC (Julietofus geekipus)
================================================
She is probably the stream topper or most likely the university topper.If ever observed during her formative years at junior school and college she can be seen terrorizing teachers and fellow mates for that elusive 0.5 mark, so as to retain her 1st Rank.If in a good state of mind she can be approached to explain that elusive theorem or problem.Faculty are usually seen fawning over her, and she suffers from a case of intellectual dysentery during viva-voce examinations.She is the best bet in one's project group and a fine template for answers in case one ends up a seat behind her during exams.If pestered enough, i.e.
On a side note, geekipus, may also include the very elusive gamer chick/metal head/or Asimov fanatic.If found, please report to the proper authorities for inclusion into the Red List.
SKELETOR (Julietofus nazgulata)
================================================
Contrary to Slimmifus who eats her feelings, she doesn't eat anything.A Romeo who has sprung a decent amount to take her out to a water hole ends up feeling like a gorging pig as she only champs on salads.To stump the poor fellow she may ask if cold water burns more calories than tap water.Oh Romeo, if faced by the question of "Am I fat", RUN.Else, pretend to choke on your own tongue and hope that Mother Earth pulls a Sita retrival on your desperate soul.She makes for one heck of an arm-candy and is the bane of slimy gropers.
This document may be copied and reproduced freely, except for commercial purposes, provided you mention the source of its first publication here at this URL: http://sudiptachatterjee.blogspot.com/2007/11/desi-juliet-guide.html
The original post was intended to categorize the Juliets at US universities but I find it true in the Indian context as well.
No categories in this post are fictional, any resemblance to any of the categories is not a coincidence, it is purely intentional. You are allowed to take offence but grumbling about the offence is not encouraged. If you are worried that your delicate female sensibilities might be hurt, go on, a little hurt never hurts.
THE BALLERINA (Julietofus Dansicus)
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Ever since she ventured out shook her leg at the freshers’ induction party and got complimented by the slimy groper, she believes that she has got the best moves since Nadia Comaneci herself. Waves off all compliments about her dancing skills with an artistic hand, but is always pleased secretly. Signs up for Salsa classes at the university and drags along some hapless father figure for company, but soon ditches him and fancies the hunky blonde bloke there who she never gets to be a 'partner' with. Gives out free dancing tips to anyone who cares to listen, which always subtly leads to the conclusion about how good she is at dancing! Usually has a fair amount of success in attracting people of the opposite sex, although sometimes gets mistaken for the fast one.
THE SNOBFACE (Julietofus Pedigree-ius)
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The total number of words uttered by her since you met her can be noted on the backside of an envelope. Walks with her nose permanently up in the air, and somehow considers it below her dignity to talk any extra sentence with anyone. Needless to say, beyond the circle of friends who need to interact with her in her class, she doesn't end up with much male attention. Even the desperate ones who venture to chat her up usually get the terse monosyllabic replies and 'get' the message. Sometimes she is confused with the ultra cautious variety (see below), but she gives out a distinct cold stare that is different from the deer in headlight stare associated with the other one.
MOTHER MARY (Julietofus Matronus)
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Whoever said reincarnations aren't possible obviously never knew of Florence Nightingale or this variety of juliets. People tend to remember her whenever they need money. Her purse strings open even when the guys' dogs die back home. Usually her living room has trouble accommodating pictures of all the 3 million gods and goddesses, and she defines very strict boundaries for all forms of shoes or sandals about the door. Has perfected all dishes her mother knew, and therefore is usually a sure invite to any pot luck dinner party. Always lightly chastises her friends about their homework, their health, and why they should pray to God daily. People seem to magically disappear from her house right after the lunch or dinner even though they promise that they are stepping out to take an urgent call.
CATWOMAN (Julietofus Amoramus)
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A flirt of the first order, her dreams of meeting a prince charming disappear as soon as she encounters bulging potbellies of seniors. Gives out free hugs to almost anyone at every occasion, and nobody minds the occasional dirty joke which she cracks in select company. Smiles at guys to get rides to the local grocery store, and always has two or three guys just a phonecall away when she goes to the local Taco Bell to eat. Guys sometimes mistake her to be a fast one, but pretty soon realize that she is just in it for "fun" and is not willing to go to any base. She usually has a huge fan following, much to the envy of the other girls.
THE CHATTERBOX (Julietofus Blabberifus)
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Whenever she walks into any group of friends, she always assumes that they have all been dying to listen to what has been happening in either her second cousin's boyfriend's or Shahrukh Khan's life. Consequently, she proceeds to enlighten everyone with the details excitedly, and more background knowledge and forecasts are available on demand. The guys gradually learn this and suddenly seem to crave for strong coffee as soon as she shows up at the table. Excluding the real desperate ones, therefore, she doesn't have much luck in getting the guys' attention, and usually ends up blabbering to those unfortunate ones she catches at the library common discussion area. Always wonders aloud why there's enough time to do her work, and wonders to herself why the 'cute' guy is so fidgety and looking at his watch so often when she visits him during his 2 hours of office during the week.
UBER-GIRLY (Julietofus Pansipus)
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The emoticons on Yahoo came as a blessing for this kind, who had to resort to the LOLs and ROTFLs of yore. Spends most of her time online catching up with all friends in India or at other universities, and she knows all the shortcuts to the emoticons by heart. Can type faster than anyone can speak, and amazingly keeps up with 4 different chat windows simultaneously while she types her report for the assignment. She conspires with the others of her kind and/or the chatterboxes imagining relationships among people who have been spotted hanging out together more than once. Always dresses in some variety of pink, and goes coochie-coo over anything that remotely qualifies as cute, including book covers; but shrieks whenever she spots a cricket from a furlong away. Visits the beauty salon at least once every fortnight, and is the primary customer of the local CVS where she gets her moisturizers and facial creams. Always wonders why the guys don't do things the Mills and Boons way, and why she remains a 'friend' friend for everyone.
BASANTI (Julietofus Rusticus)
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India went global and exported this variety as the symbol of desi village culture and tradition. She turned up wearing anklets on the first day at school, and has learned since then that bizzare shining yellow and orange salwar kameez-es don't really need those jewelry to draw extra attention. Switches into her dehati accent in the middle of a conversation suddenly, and is not bothered at all about the people staring into her face blankly. Manages to accompany everyone who goes anytime to the local Walmart or Sears garment stores "for just window-shopping", and somehow finds the most gawdy and fluorescent colors to take back home.
THE ULTRA FEMINIST (Julietofus Sultanus)
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God help the person who dares crack a joke in front of this female. She interprets every remark, gesture and sentence with caution, and isn't afraid to pick a fight if she whiffs anything misogynistic there. Having waged a lone battle against all roadside romeos and the scoffing guys and uncles back home, any person whose stare lingers for that extra second has unlimited audio input for pretty much the rest of his day. She is disappointed to find that the greek sororities are only for undergrads, but promptly signs up for all convocations and gatherings of women in her field. The fact that the primary focus of these meetings isn't male bashing disappoints her and she takes the onus upon herself to see that adequate justice is served in the world.
FIRANGI PHASAYA (Julietofus Oversea-us)
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The sum of all fears of the Indian parents when they send their daughters here comes true in this form: when there appears an American boyfriend. Whether or not she's "done it", the general spate of rumours surrounding her ensure that she cuts off bonds with the general desi junta. Soon develops the slurr in her accent and says "like" at every opportunity. She prefers to eat lettuce and pork sandwiches instead of parathas, and goes out with her buddies to "eat Indian" sometimes. The last nail on the coffin, literally, is featured when her parents notice the 'piercing' on her navel in one of the many photos she sends home.
ULTRA CAUTIOUS (Julietofus Cherry-pickus)
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This variety is the complete opposite of the firebrand feminist in her reaction to the male species. She interprets all emails as hidden mating calls, always double-checks and cross checks her books when returned from her classmates looking for hidden chits containing 'explicit' messages. She also popularizes a classic deer-in-headlight stare since the time she is asked out for coffee by a guy. As a rule, she never gives her number out to anyone unless asked thrice, and then any call after 9:00 p.m. inevitably lands in her voice mailbox. Any guy is surprised to see her pics from girls-only parties because they thought the scowl on her face was natural and permanent.
MISS BIRDBRAINS (Julietofus Pinheadus)
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Around this kind, you get the feeling that the university admission process is indeed random. She is perpetually lost in the campus, and defines her day by the number of times she tripped and fell that day. Habitually loses her purse, her shoes or mobile phone in the campus and becomes friends with the folks at the lost and found. She ends up choosing the courses for her semester where her best friend goes, and blames everyone else for her poor grades in the subject. She's also spotted frequently at the 'wrong' parties, gets to go to the 'wrong' movies with the guys, and ends up at the 'wrong' sections of the campus during the 'wrong' hours. She can't keep track of her money, and spends 200$ for an iPod without battling an eyelid but thinks thrice before she spends 5$ for her lunch. She laments continually to her 'best' friends why she doesn't have a boyfriend, and everyone around her is relieved when her parents find someone back home for her, finally.
THE ROUND ONE (Julietofus Slimmifus)
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The extra pound of flesh that she carries is a constant source of whining for the round one. She loves to play spoilsport and not eat anything oily when she goes out to eat with her friends. However, her fridge remains stashed with chocolate milk and cheese, which of course she munches on as part of the midnight snack. Her trips to the gym consist of 15 minutes of walking on the treadmill while eyeing the blonde guys, and that too is discontinued after the first 7 days of the semester.
VEGGIE DELITE (Julietofus herbivorous)
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The only 'bone' she has to pick with everyone who eats non-vegetarian. The otherwise quiet person suddenly grimaces when people order chicken or fish at a fast food joint. She considers any non-vegetarian to be Satan's neighbor, and firmly believes that constant nagging will definitely rid the said person of his 'Satanic' habits. Anyone who dares ask her why milk is vegetarian whereas an egg is non-vegetarian is doomed to be labeled an atheist. The kind of love she reserves for the actual atheists is the stuff legends are made of. God makes sure, in the interest of his other creations on earth, that she weds a vegetarian husband.
THE TAKEN ONES (Julietofus long-distancus)
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The percentage of girls who arrive with an existing relationship belong to this category. A rare few come with boyfriends in the same univ in a different department. These mix around fairly amicably with the rest of the folks. The next variety have their boyfriends somewhere in the US: either working or in some other university. All minutes after 9:00 are spent by her talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and her friends and room-mates gradually learn to adjust their timings accordingly. The last kind are the most extreme: their boyfriends are left behind in India and she suddenly discovers the marvels of technology in the form of google talk and yahoo messenger. Out of sight out of mind, fights from long distances, permanent silent treatment... lets just leave it at that.
THE PRETENDER(Julietofus Posericus)
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Unlike the Foo Fighters song, she has the depth of a puddle of water.She can verily spout the names of movies and popular literature, making a would-be-Romeo believe in the adage of soul mates.However with a bit of cross-questioning and in depth conversations, she shatters his hopes.She might proclaim she loves Metallica, but her heart belongs to certain boys who croon in backstreets and peppy adolescent singers of infinite romances.She probably is the most attractive girl in her group and therefore is most of the time found to be surrounded by lesser Juliets.However, she is an important ally to have on one's side as she and her posse have enough contacts to bail one out of a sticky wicket.
THE BRAINIAC (Julietofus geekipus)
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She is probably the stream topper or most likely the university topper.If ever observed during her formative years at junior school and college she can be seen terrorizing teachers and fellow mates for that elusive 0.5 mark, so as to retain her 1st Rank.If in a good state of mind she can be approached to explain that elusive theorem or problem.Faculty are usually seen fawning over her, and she suffers from a case of intellectual dysentery during viva-voce examinations.She is the best bet in one's project group and a fine template for answers in case one ends up a seat behind her during exams.If pestered enough, i.e.
On a side note, geekipus, may also include the very elusive gamer chick/metal head/or Asimov fanatic.If found, please report to the proper authorities for inclusion into the Red List.
SKELETOR (Julietofus nazgulata)
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Contrary to Slimmifus who eats her feelings, she doesn't eat anything.A Romeo who has sprung a decent amount to take her out to a water hole ends up feeling like a gorging pig as she only champs on salads.To stump the poor fellow she may ask if cold water burns more calories than tap water.Oh Romeo, if faced by the question of "Am I fat", RUN.Else, pretend to choke on your own tongue and hope that Mother Earth pulls a Sita retrival on your desperate soul.She makes for one heck of an arm-candy and is the bane of slimy gropers.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Loveship हाय काय?
This is an original work by the blogger.
I am just back from Kolhapur. Generally when I return from a Kolhapur trip I come back with a lot of acquired "Kolhapuri" polish, that takes a little time to wear off, specially the accent. However, before it wears off, I would like to share some of the humorous tales and going ons that I heard / saw while I was there.
It is not possible to write this post in English. Believe me some words just can't be translated. Nor is it possible to write it in "Kolhapuri Marathi" (I am not very well versed with the dialect) So a series of posts is going to come in a mixed form, English, the Kolhapur way.
The first one - Loveship हाय काय?
This incident typically occurs when two passably good looking girls, preferably wearing jeans are driving a scooty on the road. (Note - Good looking girls in Kolhapur are hard to find. Good looking ones that wear jeans and drive a scooty, are a rarity. Good looking girls driving a scooty who can speak decent English...that is sheer bliss. Never mind, let's get on with the story. )
Two guys, driving a bike spot the girls. (Note - Kolhapuri guys always think they are good looking. No matter how 'jhampak' looking they are. I know 'jhampak' is not an English word. But no other word can describe them, believe me. They'll wear tight fitting tshirts, wear cheap sunglasses with the Ray Ban label, watches with large dials. Look like jokers but strut about like they are the studs of the century. Again, Never mind.)
So the guys drive fast to catch up with the scooty and then slow down to drive alongside the girls. Typically it goes like -
Guy - Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk.
Girls - They see tsking guy, give him a look, accelerate and move on.
Guy - Draws up along side them again. Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk.
Girls - Give him a look again, this time a little smile follows the look. Accelerate albeit not as much as they did first. Now they want the guy to chase them.
Guy - Acknowledges the invitation and draws up alongside them again. Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk. अहो ऐका ना.
Girl 1- By this time the smile is flirtatious and coy. And expectantly looks at the guy.
Guy - Well, the rule of the game being whichever girl is more welcoming of the two should be given second preference. Don't ask me why. I don't know. The guy says - अहो तुम्ही नाही. तुम्ही.... (He pointedly ignores the Girl 1 and now focuses all his attention on Girl 2) Loveship हाय काय?
Girl 1 - Feels a little left out and jealous. (I guess the guy was clever in ignoring Girl 1. For reasons that will come may be later.)
Girl 2 - Doesn't respond. Accelerates.
Guy - Draws up along side the girls again. बरं मग Friendship हाय काय?
Girl 1 - Is now tired of the conversation.
Guy - Tsk tsk. Tsk Tsk. Response हाय काय?
The Reponse हाय काय? routine goes on 2-3 times. The girl finally replies.
Girl 2 - Engage आहे.
Guy - Typically the guy is very shameless. He now goes back to the Girl 1 again, and says... बर मग तुम्ही, Loveship हाय काय?
I haven't yet heard of one positive out come of this pick up strategy but this actually happens!
I am just back from Kolhapur. Generally when I return from a Kolhapur trip I come back with a lot of acquired "Kolhapuri" polish, that takes a little time to wear off, specially the accent. However, before it wears off, I would like to share some of the humorous tales and going ons that I heard / saw while I was there.
It is not possible to write this post in English. Believe me some words just can't be translated. Nor is it possible to write it in "Kolhapuri Marathi" (I am not very well versed with the dialect) So a series of posts is going to come in a mixed form, English, the Kolhapur way.
The first one - Loveship हाय काय?
This incident typically occurs when two passably good looking girls, preferably wearing jeans are driving a scooty on the road. (Note - Good looking girls in Kolhapur are hard to find. Good looking ones that wear jeans and drive a scooty, are a rarity. Good looking girls driving a scooty who can speak decent English...that is sheer bliss. Never mind, let's get on with the story. )
Two guys, driving a bike spot the girls. (Note - Kolhapuri guys always think they are good looking. No matter how 'jhampak' looking they are. I know 'jhampak' is not an English word. But no other word can describe them, believe me. They'll wear tight fitting tshirts, wear cheap sunglasses with the Ray Ban label, watches with large dials. Look like jokers but strut about like they are the studs of the century. Again, Never mind.)
So the guys drive fast to catch up with the scooty and then slow down to drive alongside the girls. Typically it goes like -
Guy - Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk.
Girls - They see tsking guy, give him a look, accelerate and move on.
Guy - Draws up along side them again. Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk.
Girls - Give him a look again, this time a little smile follows the look. Accelerate albeit not as much as they did first. Now they want the guy to chase them.
Guy - Acknowledges the invitation and draws up alongside them again. Tsk Tsk, Tsk Tsk. अहो ऐका ना.
Girl 1- By this time the smile is flirtatious and coy. And expectantly looks at the guy.
Guy - Well, the rule of the game being whichever girl is more welcoming of the two should be given second preference. Don't ask me why. I don't know. The guy says - अहो तुम्ही नाही. तुम्ही.... (He pointedly ignores the Girl 1 and now focuses all his attention on Girl 2) Loveship हाय काय?
Girl 1 - Feels a little left out and jealous. (I guess the guy was clever in ignoring Girl 1. For reasons that will come may be later.)
Girl 2 - Doesn't respond. Accelerates.
Guy - Draws up along side the girls again. बरं मग Friendship हाय काय?
Girl 1 - Is now tired of the conversation.
Guy - Tsk tsk. Tsk Tsk. Response हाय काय?
The Reponse हाय काय? routine goes on 2-3 times. The girl finally replies.
Girl 2 - Engage आहे.
Guy - Typically the guy is very shameless. He now goes back to the Girl 1 again, and says... बर मग तुम्ही, Loveship हाय काय?
I haven't yet heard of one positive out come of this pick up strategy but this actually happens!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Average is the new exceptional...
An excerpt from the Binghamton University Commencement speech by Anthony Corvino -
"For far too long our voices the voices of average students have been drowned out in a sea of unique individuals and overly exceptional people. All the year of relative mediocrity and refusing to think out of the box have paid off. We, the average, who have proved procrastination and apathy are not just big words but a way of life. May be average is the new exceptional. Average is not fame or fortune or wealth or achievement. Average is knowing that you don't receive respect, you earn it and you aren't given opportunity you fight for it. And if anyone tries to tell you different, they are lying. Average is amazing."
And if you do like the excerpt you should see the full speech! Its truly exceptional!
"For far too long our voices the voices of average students have been drowned out in a sea of unique individuals and overly exceptional people. All the year of relative mediocrity and refusing to think out of the box have paid off. We, the average, who have proved procrastination and apathy are not just big words but a way of life. May be average is the new exceptional. Average is not fame or fortune or wealth or achievement. Average is knowing that you don't receive respect, you earn it and you aren't given opportunity you fight for it. And if anyone tries to tell you different, they are lying. Average is amazing."
And if you do like the excerpt you should see the full speech! Its truly exceptional!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Ten Reasons why men are dogs.
This is an original work by the blogger
Special thanks to Swati for her valuable inputs to the list. Thanks to a lot of men for the inspiration.
We keep saying "Men are such dogs", here's our attempt at justifying it in 10 ways -
10. The famous "kutte ki dum" and chhoro ki fitrat....
Chhoro ki fitrat kutte ki dum jaisi hoti hai tedhi ki tedhi.
A man's nature is like a dog's tail. Always crooked. No matter how much you try to reform them, they will always remain the same.
9. Dogs stray all the time and so do men. Easily and frequently.
8. All they want is a bitch...
7. You dangle a bone before a dog and he follows you panting everywhere you go. The moment a hot girl even talks to a guy as much as excuse me, could you pass me the salt at the cafeteria, well...you can see the similarity!
6. Dogs go sniffing all the time, even when they are not welcome. Most men do the same, it's just that some know how to do it more subtly than others.
5. Pat them a little, give them a bone or two and every time you say fetch, he will fetch, sit, he will sit.
4. Every time they see their friend with a better bitch...they say "Lucky dog!"
3. Highly territorial! They snarl ferociously at other dogs nearing their bitch but follow other bitches all the time.
2. Dogs are faithful to men but not to their partners. By same analogy man is faithful to his dog but not to his partner.
1. Men are dogs. Period.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
December 2010 in FB status
The day you limit yourself to your preferences and what you are use to, is the day that you are closing door of opportunities. Challenge yourself to change your weaknesses to your strengths.
December 1, 2010 at 11:10pm
We lived in farms, then we lived in cities, and now we're gonna live on the internet! (If we already aren't...)
December 5, 2010 at 9:15pm
There comes a time when you have to chose between turning the page and closing the book.
December 5, 2010 at 9:38pm
Just because I shut up and walk away does not mean that you've won or you're right, it just means that I don't have the time to deal with your crap.
December 7, 2010 at 9:02pm
"Chandler: For the last 24 years, the only response to "I Love You" has been "Oh Crap"!!!" - Friends
December 10, 2010 at 8:27pm
How would you know I was always on Facebook , if you weren't always on Facebook too!
December 15, 2010 at 12:05am
We've got to hold on to what we've got 'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other and that's a lot for love -We'll give it a shot.
December 16, 2010 at 11:36pm
You don't know about my past and I don't have a future figured out And maybe this is goin' too fast And maybe it's not meant to last But what do you say to takin' chances? What do you say to jumpin' off the edge? Never knowin' if there's solid ground below Or a hand to hold or hell to pay What do you say?
December 19, 2010 at 12:46pm
Instead of raising your voice, raise the quality of your argument.
December 21, 2010 at 3:29pm
I am not rude, I am just brave enough to say what everyone else is thinking.
December 23, 2010 at 9:55pm
"there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare
December 27, 2010 at 9:01pm
Noise in the sense of unwanted sound that has been a problem ever since Eve first elbowed Adam in the remaining ribs and told him to stop snoring.
December 28, 2010 at 8:50pm
The fact of the matter is that the kind of people who we are attracted to and the kind of people we settle down with might not always be the same.
December 29, 2010 at 9:55pm
December 1, 2010 at 11:10pm
We lived in farms, then we lived in cities, and now we're gonna live on the internet! (If we already aren't...)
December 5, 2010 at 9:15pm
There comes a time when you have to chose between turning the page and closing the book.
December 5, 2010 at 9:38pm
Just because I shut up and walk away does not mean that you've won or you're right, it just means that I don't have the time to deal with your crap.
December 7, 2010 at 9:02pm
"Chandler: For the last 24 years, the only response to "I Love You" has been "Oh Crap"!!!" - Friends
December 10, 2010 at 8:27pm
How would you know I was always on Facebook , if you weren't always on Facebook too!
December 15, 2010 at 12:05am
We've got to hold on to what we've got 'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other and that's a lot for love -We'll give it a shot.
December 16, 2010 at 11:36pm
You don't know about my past and I don't have a future figured out And maybe this is goin' too fast And maybe it's not meant to last But what do you say to takin' chances? What do you say to jumpin' off the edge? Never knowin' if there's solid ground below Or a hand to hold or hell to pay What do you say?
December 19, 2010 at 12:46pm
Instead of raising your voice, raise the quality of your argument.
December 21, 2010 at 3:29pm
I am not rude, I am just brave enough to say what everyone else is thinking.
December 23, 2010 at 9:55pm
"there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare
December 27, 2010 at 9:01pm
Noise in the sense of unwanted sound that has been a problem ever since Eve first elbowed Adam in the remaining ribs and told him to stop snoring.
December 28, 2010 at 8:50pm
The fact of the matter is that the kind of people who we are attracted to and the kind of people we settle down with might not always be the same.
December 29, 2010 at 9:55pm
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Ganpat Playlist!
I was thinking of 10 songs that you want to sing when you are drunk...and somehow I ended up listing bollywood songs with the "underworld" theme. For lack of a better word...this is my "Ganpat" playlist.
1. Topping the list is of course ...Ae Ganpat chal daaru la from Shootout at Lokhandwala
2. Remember Kallu Mama from Satya? Bheje ki sunega to marega kallu... from Satya
3. Aslam bhai! from Love ke liye Saala kuch bhi karega
1. Topping the list is of course ...Ae Ganpat chal daaru la from Shootout at Lokhandwala
2. Remember Kallu Mama from Satya? Bheje ki sunega to marega kallu... from Satya
3. Aslam bhai! from Love ke liye Saala kuch bhi karega
Dubai Ka Chashma Cheen Ki Chaddi Aur Irani Chai
Aslam Bhai Mere Aslam Bhai
4. Boxer Bhai! from Hathyar...
Borivali me betting ka adda Kandivali me dance baar
Police Chowki me aana jaana barbaad hai uska ghar baar
Boxer Bhai! Apna Boxer Bhai!
Boxer Bhai
Sadly Boxer Bhai ko pasand nahi hai ki unhe embed kiya jaaye :)
Sadly Boxer Bhai ko pasand nahi hai ki unhe embed kiya jaaye :)
5. Bhai .....Mumbhai.....
Bhaigiri ko chod sab.. BAKWAAS
Bhai ka under jo rehta.. BINDAAS
Bhai ko denga tras, hoenga woh khallas
bahenga uska blood just like tomato sauce.
(Are baap re...)
Khaane ka peene ka marne ka jeene ka
chalne ka phirne ka uthne ka girne ka
tension nahi lene ka bhai se poochne ka
Kasakai bhara hai I am Mumbhai.
6. Javed bhai so re le...
Bhai ka under jo rehta.. BINDAAS
Bhai ko denga tras, hoenga woh khallas
bahenga uska blood just like tomato sauce.
(Are baap re...)
Khaane ka peene ka marne ka jeene ka
chalne ka phirne ka uthne ka girne ka
tension nahi lene ka bhai se poochne ka
Kasakai bhara hai I am Mumbhai.
6. Javed bhai so re le...
Javed bhai so re le
7. Ganda hai par dhanda hai ye!
8. Jaane kya hoga Rama re!....Kaate.....
9. Saaki Saaki .....
10. And to conclude...Khallas!
The Audio format of the Ganpat playlist available at - The Ganpat Playlist
7. Ganda hai par dhanda hai ye!
8. Jaane kya hoga Rama re!....Kaate.....
9. Saaki Saaki .....
10. And to conclude...Khallas!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Why good girls love bad boys?
This one always ran as a background thread in my head but took a lot of time to put it on paper. I am going to aim for ten good reasons why good girls like bad boys but in case I fall short or go rambling...well...
Here goes.
The bad boy appeal is mainly due to following factors -
1. Opposites Attract
The "you complete me" love cliche transforms into "you excite me" when good girl meets bad boy. In a way, he is foreign to her; exciting, unpredictable. This combination will amount to a co-dependent, combustible couple with opposites being attracted to the other for all the wrong reasons. A good girl jumps in with no awareness of who she is dealing with while a bad boy has the art of manipulation down to perfection. He is excited by the prospect of a new "game" the good girl has to offer.
2. Bad boys are exciting
The truth is, typically the good girl picks the bad boy because of how he makes her feel; fascinating, needed, pursued, and good.
3. Bad boys are interesting and engaging
The truth is a bad boy has faced more struggles and adversity, which makes for a more interesting, complex, and resilient person- the stuff movie roles are made of.
4. Bad boys are 'bad'
a bad boy helps a woman escape her busy mind and become someone totally different. Good girls live under a heavy burden of expectations from others, always doing the right thing, saying the right thing and being pleasing. It's nice to simply not care and relax. Basically, bad boys are equivalent to a full body massage, a few shots of tequila, or a riveting romance novel scene.
5. They need each other
The bad boy may also require a little extra nurturing due to a rough past and inability to love deeply or unselfishly. He is used to using what he can to take what he can- a survival mechanism or maybe a game. Either way a good girl is a prime target; being innocent, she never knows exactly what she is getting herself into.
Good girls find the good in everyone and even she sees the hurt little boy behind his bad boy facade. When she is with this guy, she is always thinking she will be the one to help him. She won't give up on him as quickly as most people will. She gives him endless encouragement, feeding his needs and hers simultaneously.
6. Bad boys are mysterious
If you want to know what a woman is thinking as she instinctively spots the bad boy in the room; "I wonder what his story is? Why is he that way? It's a mystery so I must find out". A bad boy may give her an awkward compliment or or not answer her questions directly, and this instantly draws her in. And the mystery ensues.
Men love a good chase and hunt, but women love a good nut to crack, get someone to spill the beans, and make a mystery out of nothing sometimes. Women love to make things difficult- it's the truth. We make mountains out of mole holes and mysteries out of thin air.
Still thinking...will update soon
Sunday, December 5, 2010
November 2010 in FB status'
When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
November 3, 2010 at 10:17am
Dilo ke statement me, Khopdi ke basement me, na profit hai na hai loss :)
November 9, 2010 at 9:45pm
Chukun chukla tari chukun sudhha mhanu nahi ki chuklay!
November 11, 2010 at 11:51pm
Intelligence is inversely proportional to modesty.
November 15, 2010 at 8:01pm
Confusion is essentially a good thing. Confusion means you have more than one viable options present. I would rather have the confusion than no option at all.
November 16, 2010 at 11:53am
It it so complicated even when a human being falls in love with a human being. So why complicate matters by making a human being fall in love with a vampire or werewolf? (The obvious reference to Twilight Series very much intended)
November 17, 2010 at 8:24pm
Gusse ko peeke aur ego ko khaake, Mirchi pe meethe ka tadka lagake
November 21, 2010 at 6:48pm
November 3, 2010 at 10:17am
Dilo ke statement me, Khopdi ke basement me, na profit hai na hai loss :)
November 9, 2010 at 9:45pm
Chukun chukla tari chukun sudhha mhanu nahi ki chuklay!
November 11, 2010 at 11:51pm
Intelligence is inversely proportional to modesty.
November 15, 2010 at 8:01pm
Confusion is essentially a good thing. Confusion means you have more than one viable options present. I would rather have the confusion than no option at all.
November 16, 2010 at 11:53am
It it so complicated even when a human being falls in love with a human being. So why complicate matters by making a human being fall in love with a vampire or werewolf? (The obvious reference to Twilight Series very much intended)
November 17, 2010 at 8:24pm
Gusse ko peeke aur ego ko khaake, Mirchi pe meethe ka tadka lagake
November 21, 2010 at 6:48pm
Saturday, October 30, 2010
October 2010 in FB status'
TGIF!
October 1, 2010 at 12:47pm
A naughty thought a day, keeps the stress away ;)
October 21, 2010 at 10:27pm
गण्या : अरे मित्रा "अरेंज मेरेज" म्हणजे काय रे ? बंड्या : सोपं आहे रे . समज तू रस्त्यावरून चालला आहेसआणि नागिन तुला चावते गण्या : मग "लव मेरेज" म्हणजे काय ?? बंड्या : "लव मेरेज" म्हणजे तू त्या नागिनकडे जातो आणि तिला बोलतो "फूस फूस चाव न मला ए चाव ना...."
October 23, 2010 at 8:10pm
My company owns my job. I own my career.
October 23, 2010 at 9:28pm
To do lists never go away! Everytime I strike something off it, two more things line up! It just gets longer day by day. :(
October 27, 2010 at 9:12pm
October 1, 2010 at 12:47pm
A naughty thought a day, keeps the stress away ;)
October 21, 2010 at 10:27pm
गण्या : अरे मित्रा "अरेंज मेरेज" म्हणजे काय रे ? बंड्या : सोपं आहे रे . समज तू रस्त्यावरून चालला आहेसआणि नागिन तुला चावते गण्या : मग "लव मेरेज" म्हणजे काय ?? बंड्या : "लव मेरेज" म्हणजे तू त्या नागिनकडे जातो आणि तिला बोलतो "फूस फूस चाव न मला ए चाव ना...."
October 23, 2010 at 8:10pm
My company owns my job. I own my career.
October 23, 2010 at 9:28pm
To do lists never go away! Everytime I strike something off it, two more things line up! It just gets longer day by day. :(
October 27, 2010 at 9:12pm
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Drink Beer, Stay Healthy
In Defense of Beer
This is an attempt to convince the people who turn up their noses at beer.
Beer contains barley or wheat or rice and hops.
The basic ingredients of beer are -
- water
- a starch source, such as malted barley, which when fermented gets converted into alcohol
- a brewer's yeast to produce the fermentation and
- a flavouring such as hops
Beer contains only 4 - 6 % alcohol.
Beer contains only 4 - 6% alcohol. So one can safely say beer contains negligible amount of alcohol. It is technically impossible to get drunk on one beer.
Alcohol is antiatherosclerotic beta blocker.
Alcohol when consumed in moderate amout acts as a antiatherosclerotic beta blocker. It prevents the hardening of walls of the arteries. Beer is ideal drink for "moderate" amount of alcohol. Hence, drinking beer is good for your heart!
Beer contains natural preservatives.
Beer contains natural preservative called hops. Hops are flowers that are found on hope vines. They lend the beer its bitter taste and act as natural preservatives.
Nutritional value of beer
A glass of beer typically has just 72 calories. 0g fats, 4g carbohydrates and 0.6g proteins.
Coke or beer?
So now allow me to compare a glass of coke and a glass of beer.
With Coke, you are drinking God-knows-what, a lot of sugar, artificial preservatives and artificial flavoring agents and a truck load of calories. It is bad for your weight and it just cannot be good for your heart if it has so many things you are not even aware of.
With beer, you are drinking, barley (healthy), no sugar (healthy), natural preservative (healthy), little alcohol (healthy and good for your heart!) and only 72 calories (good ain't it?).
They why would anyone who has the power of thinking would drink coke instead of beer?
Some more secondary reasons -
After water and tea, beer is the third most popular beverage all over the world!
Third most popular! See! It even beats coffee and coke.
The Beer Culture
Beer in itself forms an intrinsic, undefined but widespread and popular culture. Sports fans worldwide speak the language of beer. It has also given us the "pub culture". Getting together for a beer, listening to music, dancing, playing cards, darts! Beer has fostered social life for ages!
So, the next time you are asking some one to give up beer. Think Again! And convince yourself to try it.
I rest my case :)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
September 2010 in FB status
How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? None. We find problems not fix them. That's the developers job. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a hardware problem!
September 2, 2010
I was an awful student, who had very good teachers. They taught me knowledge, discipline, my morals,everything...I resented, I rebelled, I ignored, I unlearnt...but they persisted with infinite patience that only God, mothers and teachers can have. Saying thank you is saying too less...all my life, I shall always try to live what you've taught me...that could possibly be the only way in which I can try to thank you.
September 5, 2010
Life would be perfect if some girls had a mute button, some guys had an edit button.
September 6, 2010
"If you plunder from west to east you are great like Alexander, if you plunder from east to west you are a barbarian like Genghis Khan." - Javed Akhtar
September 8, 2010
Universal law of knowledge conservation - No matter what you study, where you study, how you study, the total knowledge content before you started and after you finished remains the same!!
September 9, 2010
Pakistani Sports News - "Our channel exclusively has a sneak-peek at the results of tomorrow's match for you"!
September 10, 2010
"Jab ek mard ki do auratey ho sakti hai to ek aurat ke do mard kyu nahi ho sakte." I laugh like crazy every time I here this dialog!
September 11, 2010
The best part of dabangg was when munni came on screen and my friend said ''Yaar wo apni biwi se aisi cheeze kaise karvaa sakta hai! Bachhe bade ho rahe hai uske. Kya sochte honge!'' :) :) :)
September 12, 2010
Dabangg nahi dekha to kya dekha?!!
September 13, 2010
A Monday morning feels so good when you know that you've a mid-week holiday coming up!
September 20, 2010
In new A,B,C my name means Y.Yedi A.Aayla S.Sumbdi H.Harami A.Aayla D.Dhasu A.Aayla....I am so totally loving it :)
September 25, 2010
To understand how difficult reaching a conclusion was one has to only look at the "Resurrection of Shri Rama": The court had to assert the Lord Ram is henceforth considered as a living human being, having fundamental rights. He can appeal to the court if his fundamental rights are endangered and can be arrested and apprehended if he encroaches someone else's fundamental rights.
September 30, 2010
September 2, 2010
I was an awful student, who had very good teachers. They taught me knowledge, discipline, my morals,everything...I resented, I rebelled, I ignored, I unlearnt...but they persisted with infinite patience that only God, mothers and teachers can have. Saying thank you is saying too less...all my life, I shall always try to live what you've taught me...that could possibly be the only way in which I can try to thank you.
September 5, 2010
Life would be perfect if some girls had a mute button, some guys had an edit button.
September 6, 2010
"If you plunder from west to east you are great like Alexander, if you plunder from east to west you are a barbarian like Genghis Khan." - Javed Akhtar
September 8, 2010
Universal law of knowledge conservation - No matter what you study, where you study, how you study, the total knowledge content before you started and after you finished remains the same!!
September 9, 2010
Pakistani Sports News - "Our channel exclusively has a sneak-peek at the results of tomorrow's match for you"!
September 10, 2010
"Jab ek mard ki do auratey ho sakti hai to ek aurat ke do mard kyu nahi ho sakte." I laugh like crazy every time I here this dialog!
September 11, 2010
The best part of dabangg was when munni came on screen and my friend said ''Yaar wo apni biwi se aisi cheeze kaise karvaa sakta hai! Bachhe bade ho rahe hai uske. Kya sochte honge!'' :) :) :)
September 12, 2010
Dabangg nahi dekha to kya dekha?!!
September 13, 2010
A Monday morning feels so good when you know that you've a mid-week holiday coming up!
September 20, 2010
In new A,B,C my name means Y.Yedi A.Aayla S.Sumbdi H.Harami A.Aayla D.Dhasu A.Aayla....I am so totally loving it :)
September 25, 2010
To understand how difficult reaching a conclusion was one has to only look at the "Resurrection of Shri Rama": The court had to assert the Lord Ram is henceforth considered as a living human being, having fundamental rights. He can appeal to the court if his fundamental rights are endangered and can be arrested and apprehended if he encroaches someone else's fundamental rights.
September 30, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Authentic अ ब क ड
A for Aila
(A Marathi exclamation made famous by Sachin Tendulkar in a Pepsi ad when he says ‘Aila, plane’)
B for Bhendi
(A mild expletive or abuse. The ignorant might think this is local lingo for a vegetable (okra). The tapori knows better)
C for Chindi
(Some say it means insignificant. For others it denotes tight-fistedness. Eg: ‘Bindi is chindi. She won’t even pay for the trip.)
D for Dhasu
(It means great or fabulous. Like what a ‘dhasu’ idea it is to read this tapori talk)
E for Ekdum
(Not that hard to figure out. Ekdum means absolutely. So ekdum bekaar means absolutely useless)
F for Fadoo
(Good, fabulous or beautiful quite in the same vein as Dhasu. A fabulous broom might be explained as a ‘fadoo of a jhadoo’)
G for Ghanta
(Means rubbish or nonsense. If a politician claims: ‘I will eradicate corruption’, the janta comprising Santa-Banta might say Ghanta)
H for Hatke
(Hatke actually means original or slightly different. Not to be confused with ‘hat gayi hai’, which means he’s lost his marbles)
I for Item
(Used to refer to a sexy girl — Kya item hai. These days girls also use the word to describe a handsome man )
J for Jhol
(A common word for a scam or a bungle. Examples: What Jhol is all this?; Sounds like some jhol to me, yaar; Solid jhol in this poll)
K for Kalti
(This means to give somebody the slip or not keep a promise. It may also mean a turnaround. Example: Usne aaj kalti diya)
L for Lafda
(Fairly common usage for a squabble. The lafda can also have sexual connotation — Are they having a lafda (affair)? )
M for Maal
(Dial M for money. That is what maal stands for. It’s also a derogatory slang for a woman — Kya maal hai! )
N for Nastar
(This means bad omen or what is more commonly known as ‘panvati’.Or also means atheist)
O for Ookhad
(The word is used rather combatively. Two men in a skirmish might growl at one another: ‘Ookhad kar phek doonga’)
P for Punter
(It means source or informant. Yeh dekh punter aaya, is the way it is said)
Q for Qeeda
(This rather strange word means a person who is always up to something, some mischief or is posing as a major irritant)
R for Rapchick
(More commonly pronounced as ‘raaapchick’, it is used to refer to a sexy, curvaceous woman)
S for Sumbdi
(This stands for a rather secretive person or somebody who is clever enough not to reveal all. Not to be confused with shy or reticent)
T for Tapori
(These are roadside rowdies. Tapori talk is becoming more mainstream and losing its stigma)
U for Ungli
(A rather obvious obscene interpretation. It also means to bait or rile a person and try to get a rise out of them )
V for Vaat
(Means this is the end of you today. It all means the end, khatam, finito — Aaj toh vaat lag jayega)
W for Wohich
(It simply means him and him only — Wohich hai, aur doosra kohich nahi)
X for Xhun
(Xhun is used to describe the sound of a slap. Crack. Xhun se laafa maara)
Y for Yeda
(Also known as veda in Marathi. It means mad and used in a derogatory tone)
Z for Zandu
(Zandu stands for Lallu (not Prasad Yadav) or Mamu, one who is spineless। Apologies to Zandu Chawanprash)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
10 Reasons to watch Dabangg
1. I am not a Salman Khan fan...I mean...All the things that Salman does that seem clownish, stupid, over-acting or just plain out of place and unnecessary in other movies....Chulbul Pandey is his Carte-Blanche to do all these things on screen. All those dance moves and weird things that seemed stupid else where look apt with this character.
2. Five minutes into the movie, when the first action sequence is going on and Salman pauses the entire fight sequence to dance on a ringtone and tells one of the goons "Achhi ringtone hai forward kar dena" ...the viewer understands "This movie is not going to have a story!...at all." Hence, after that one keeps no expectations from the movie and just laughs off everything weird. The set down is one of the best things in the movie. If you went through the movie expecting a great story, you'd be sorely disappointed! This movie is for watching not seeing! Just watch!
3. The dialogues in the movie are awesome! Be it "Kamini se yaad aaya bhaabiji kaisi hai?" or "Us Chhedi me itne chhed karunga ki wo confuse ho jaayega ki saans kaha se leni hai aur...". The punchy dialogues and hard hitting one liners are back with this movie! And Salman's comic timing is amazing!
4. The background score and the music is awesome too! Its catchy, pleasing on the ears, well written, well shot! Dabang, Humka peeni hai, tere mast mast do nain, Chori Kiya and we will save the best for the last..Munni! A great job by Sajid-Wajid. :)
5. Now that we have touched upon the songs it would be unfair not to praise the choreography! Farah Khan has outdone herself! :) Simply by letting Salman be Salman and integrate all his weird, clowny gestures into dance steps. I mean the hopping on one leg, the thing with the belt...one says, only you Salman, only you!
6. The action sequences, well, well...they seem to be a cross between a hollywood movie and our good old south movies! Amazing, Amazing! Unbelievably entertaining!
7. The hot bods! Sonu Sood and Salman set the screen on fire. Interesting thing is, Sonu displays his well toned, well oiled body throughout the movie where as Salman shows his only in a 5 min. action sequence towards the end. When Salman is enraged at the end, he just flexes his muscles and his shirt rips off and just flies away!! The entire theater went mad at this point of time!! :)
8. Yes, yes. Munni! She's amazing. Malaika starts the song very well, with her still amazing figure and dance skills. But when Salman enters, you have eyes only for him. You don't look at Malaika, such is his screen presence. Even in multiplexes the public comes on to the aisle and dances!
9. The fashion sense of the characters! It's kind of weird that this makes it to the top 10 reasons, but it's true! Dimple Kapadia's cotton sarees, Makkhi's floral bright printed shirts, Salman's formals in which he does all stupid stuff while looking perfectly formal :) And the Ray-Bans! Those beauties! :) They just add to the entire Chulbul Pandey image!
10. It's Salman! The trendsetter. When he took his shirt off, for the first time a lot of people wanted to have bodies like him and the body building and shirtless trend set in. Then there was the Tere Naam hairstyle. God! That was disgusting, still you could see people sporting it everywhere! The monkey washed jeans, the bracelets! He's made them all famous! So I wont be surprised if next people sport a Chulbul like moustache, or wear formals and that Ray-Ban :) I wouldn't even be surprised if mothers decided to name their kids Chulbul!
After all as Salman said "Hamara naam hamari personality ko shobha deta hai, Chulbul Pandey!"
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